Why Hello Dose of Reality, Where Have You Been?

Already this expedition of ours has worked changes in me that I hadn't anticipated.  I guess if you have the courage to become a vagabond and the confidence to live off talent alone, stepping into the "real world" becomes less scary.  If I'm willing to dedicate a portion of my live to passion, then dedicating my whole life seems more obtainable.

Christmas Break and the time-out it provided me with my family put my up-coming decisions into high-relief and, since I have committed to complete confessionals, I have to admit I almost folded in this whole affair.  This semester I'm taking 18 credits, so I don't have the time I need to dedicate to the penny whistle (luckily I've been singing for years, so  I won't be building from the ground up with that).  I also remembered one night while I was drifting off to sleep that the loan money I have needs to last me six months instead of four because I'll still be in school Spring Semester.  Which means the little cushion money I have in savings might get used up before we hit the road.  Needless to say, Christmas Break wasn't as relaxing as it could have been as I tried to reconcile reality with desire.

Have no fear, starlings, the band has not disbanded and thanks to Pepper's dedication and optimism, I haven't hung up my lute (so to speak).

But I have a plan now, for life after the Renaissance Faire, something I have been struggling to develop for almost a year.  Like I mentioned before, taking a chance on myself, on my talents and intelligence and merit, has become less scary thanks to this crazy idea of ours.  I want to go to Graduate School for English Literature or Creative Writing, so at first I was going to go to Northern VA, get whatever job I could find, and save up.  While the over-all structure of this plan has remained in place, the location has changed.  Again, the revelation came over Christmas Break.  Working retail so far away from my family means I won't be able to come home for the holidays.  (ok, I know I'm not aiming for the stars there, but I am trying to be a little realistic given this economy)  My family and I are really close (Which sounds cliche and trite for some reason written out like this.  After all, starlings, you have no obligation to take my word for anything), the thought of missing holidays with them made me choke-up a bit.

So, new plan.  Move to Northeastern Ohio or Anne Arbor, work there, go to graduate school (P.S cost of living in Ohio is ridiculous, so I could afford my own house on hourly wages).  Write books.  Do Kung Fu.  Live life. --Jaenelle